Our captain this year, Su usually plays up front where she is able to beat the opposition into submission with her spectacular imitation Elvis quiff that has so far not impeded her playing ability. We are just thankful it hasn’t been made a mandatory team feature. We are also hopeful that she may let her boyfriend out of the car to watch us play hockey this year… we can but dream

Our most fearsome player on the team and the person we all wish we could play hockey as well as. She has also put in a fairly impressive drinking record this year after an abysmal one last year. We do have certain concerns though regarding her ability to strain the ligaments in her hand by getting it stuck in an unusual place. I will let your imagination do the rest!

What can I say but wrong in every sense of the word? Has managed to remain free of injury so far this year (lets not tempt fate) and has not done anything too embarrassing yet this year if you don’t count karaoke.

This is the girl who brings a whole new meaning to the terms Russian brutality and subtleness. It is still yet to be discovered if she knows the meaning of the word tactfulness but the team would not be the same without her and its refreshing to meet someone who is so honest. I also think that she has been giving/receiving tips to/from Annika as she says that she only uses her fingers not her whole hand. Um pleasant imagery I think not.

She didn’t get her nickname for nothing. This girl likes to keep on going and then some. Has finally found where the tuns is on a Wednesday night this year which I think has something to do with a certain hockey boy. Once she saw him do father Abraham and that he had a billboard in his honour on tour she was putty in his hands which is appropriate as they are now attached at the lips. Ah how sweet! (Pass the sick bag)

Now that she has gave up smoking and decided to get super fit, Kate has become a true little warrior in the centre of midfield head butting people all over the show. Sadly she is still yet to discover where the tuns is on a Wednesday and always seems to be heading off to a mysterious place called the library which I have still yet to find.

This girl occasionally graces us with her presence when she decides to leave planet Zahra. Half the time she wishes she hadn’t as she drops herself in it whenever she opens her mouth. On a more serious note she has been a valuable addition to the team helping to strengthen our defence and making sure no one get’s to have a shot on goal.

The goalie of our team, she hasn’t been called on to do much this year due to our all round superb playing ability. However she has been also sadly lacking in off the field performance and another person who needs a map to find the tuns on a Wednesday. I am hopeful that this record will gradually improve as the year progresses.

One of the quieter players on our team! I’m sorry I can’t lie. This is the girl who when she is not playing hockey and shouting at herself on the pitch rents out her mouth at various functions as a loudspeaker. No amount of words can do justice to the amount of decibels that her voice can generate. Thankfully, she still has enough energy to be able to move like lightning down the wing and deliver a killer cross.

Along with Zahra this girl probably has the funniest self-inflicted nickname. They should know that it is not wise to say such things as ‘I want to tame a gigolo’ as it will stay with them forever. This would have been the end of it if she hadn’t picked up a mysterious illness, which is still yet to be explained. Answers on a postcard to me with the most amusing going up on the website. All this aside she has proved a formidable centre forward where she may have found the net a few times but sadly she has only found the tuns once.

Lets just say that after the AU welcome party where she performed a rather raunchy routine with a pole and then Rolfies leg it was perhaps inevitable that she would end up being called this. One of the many Americans who have joined us this year, she has excelled herself in the position of super sub though sadly her performance has sadly been lacking recently and she thinks that saying she was being shagged senseless by her boyfriend is a good enough reason to not get fined. How mistaken you are.

At the moment Issy holds the title of causing the most serious injury to a member of the opposition when she decided that she didn’t like where the girls knee cap and so decided to move it two inches to the left. Excellent. Has been a valuable addition to our defence and after match performance has also improved dramatically.

Another new addition this year who has a liking for all things Irish. (I don’t need to spell it out for you) She has consistently put in good performances on and off the pitch and is one of the core members of our drinking squad in the tuns on a Wednesday.

This girl is a rarity, virtually unique. An American who can hold her drink. Not only can this girl put the alcohol away but she has also been there encouraging others to do the same. Excellent. If only there was more like her to help foster our teams relationship with our best friends Lady Stella, Mr Smirnoff, and the aftershock twins. Also her hockey performance has been solid and she has made the position of left back her own.

The only person I know who can say the word dude in every sentence that they speak. Has not played that much this season as has ‘lectures’ on a Wednesday (the life of a post grad) but has made up for it by being a key drinking member in the tuns. Has religiously come out every Wednesday and has been a very vocal member when doing karaoke.

Has come on leaps and bounds this season and is now a force to be reckoned with on the right wing. Enjoys skinning defenders alive with her lightning pace before lashing a mean cross into the D. Has yet to savour the delights of the tuns more than once this year but am hopeful that this can be resolved in future weeks.