LSE 2nds XI 2 : ST Georges 0 By George, is that the time? Before we talk about the match, we’d like to (we wouldn’t really like to, but feel we have to) make an appeal to the generous nature of our regular readers. It has come to our attention, or rather been forced upon us that a certain member of our team, let’s call him ‘Rishi’, is in dire need of a pair of shorts that don’t give the impression of being sprayed on like that liquid latex he seems so fond of. Please email r.madlani@lse.ac.uk for details on how to make a donation to ‘The Speedophile Relief Fund’. After watching a match that should have been stopped early on humanitarian grounds, we took to the filed hoping not to be the second (or third if you count the unwanted attention of premiership players on an innocent seventeen year-old in The Grovesnor Hotel) recipients of a super seven gang rape. However, within 10 seconds our apprehension was laid to rest as we realised that they were fucking shite. Our fluid 4-3-3 formation turned into an attacking Kevin ‘I’m a defensive ignoramus’ Keegan style 2-5-3 as we piled on the early pressure. St George’s were pinned inside their own half for lengthy passages of play while our forward line took it in turns to hit the post, miss open goals (don’t worry John Erwin, we won’t mention any names) and imitate Andy (sorry Andrew) Cole. Chance after chance went begging as we practiced taking short corners during the match. They say practice makes perfect, but not in our case. It was not all bad however, and after what seemed like our twentieth short corner, a combination of three people faffing about, yes Rishi was involved, and a goalkeeper who spent more time on the ground than Emile Heskey, Katen finally broke the deadlock, sweeping home the loose ball. Further pressure before half time went unrewarded as the doctors and nurses appeared to have lost their pulse. It is often said that great players such as Zinedine Zidane and to a lesser extent Phil ‘son of Neville Neville’ Neville, manage to create time and space for themselves. This adage seems to have been grossly misinterpreted by one of our newbies, Bandana Boy. Rather than create time and space, he spent lot’s of time standing in acres of space. Nonetheless, our relentless endeavour to put the result beyond doubt paid dividends, no doubt helped by a 1-5-4 formation. The second goal came five minutes from time, courtesy of our resident lazy bastard. As the opposition tired, Katen found Sach with time and space in the area who ‘expertly’ lobbed the ‘keeper to score his first goal for LSE. The game ended prematurely when a bunch of social misfits, not to be mistaken for Strand Poly students, invaded the pitch and stole our goals in a vain attempt mimic their fellow inbreds from Millwall’s Den. Ultimately it didn’t matter since we won 2-0. Article by Hairy Fairy

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