LSE 2nds XI 1 - RUMS 2nd XI 2 Before we talk about the match, we have some unfinished business to attend to. It may appear to those of you who have the vaguest hint of a sense of humour that our recent match reports have not lived up to their normal free-flowing and witty prose. Well you would be right. To be honest, we’re not too sure whether we should write this article since we don’t know how much of this will be printed. The editor is a **** – I’ll be surprised if they leave that in. Fuckers. Or that. Not content with removing our marginally racist/sexist/homophobic comments, the powers that be deem it necessary to randomly leave out paragraphs and fill up the gaps with garbage that wouldn’t be out of place in the first few pages of the Beaver (the wannabe Times of the student world). All in all, this makes for a very boring and often confusing read. In time honoured tradition, we will now proceed to write material of the likes that have never been read before and perhaps never will - unless you check out our website lsehockey.co.uk. We would like to talk about some money-grabbing asylum seekers but we’re not allowed to talk about it. We can’t even talk about women. The mere mention of the word ‘rape’ (does it still count if they’re drunk?) brings the Met’s finest bigots and John Leslie (we’re not inferring anything at all. Honest) knocking on our door. John Leslie is really tall and the police really are racist. It’s around this time we normally take the piss out of homos (we call them Rishi). But we cant do that. Actually we can take the piss out of ‘Rishi’ because he has been struck down by gonorrhea, although he called it ‘tonsillitis’. Instead, we’ll make fun of those of American origin, because nobody would take offence at that, unless of course you’re American in which case you probably cant read so it doesn’t matter. You’re dumb! There! Piss taken. In the event that our report is chainsaw massacred, this will appear as the first paragraph. Just for your information, it’s our fourth. It seems like a good a time as any to make racist, sexist and homophobic comments. But we’re not that juvenile. Thank you Ibrahim Rashid for teaching us a lesson we were in dire need of. So anyway, we played well but lost 2-1 to RUMS 2nd XI. A much-improved performance over recent weeks but a late mental lapse allowed RUMS to score two late goals to make Katen’s opener nothing more than a statistic. By Sach

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