LSE Women’s Hockey 1 RVC 4 Hockey is a highly technical sport, and hence we have devised a formula to analyse the quality of opponents. Thigh Circumference x Number of bandanas Number of blondes on the team When we rocked up to the pitch we knew we were in for a rough ride… With an average age of 27 the Bunny Boilers had more experience, body hair and cellulite than the whole of the LSE AU…these were not the preferred ingredients for a good game. After a brief moment of glory, when Pana slotted in a spectacular reverse stick super goal, the Bovine rectal inspectors did a few lines of Ketamine, donned their plastic gloves and set on our defence, raping us several times...Final Score 4-1. The Corrupter was sorely missed. Enough about that…now for the real entertainment. After Tara led a quick sausage inspection we were fuelled up and ready to go. We were to need our energy since it was ol’granpa Phil’s birthday, with a night of backgammon and draughts planned in the Tuns. Well, no one remembered the draughtboard so we made do with sparklers and a no-hands cake eating competition. A few of the hockey girls showed expert mouth work while Sharon (hockey BOY) just came out of it looking like he had shoved his face in a cowpat. Phillip then led the way in the projectile vomiting, the freshers following soon after, however they had the excuse of initiation: 3 pints of wine and a lot of spinning later, they were now real hockey men, like Richard...whom we love dearly..see we can be nice :) Walkabout proved somewhat of a challenge for little Munchkin since she couldn’t really walk about much after her mysterious ankle injury…rumour has it she was pushed down the stairs...make of that what you will ;) Chivalrous Mayur (the Zimbabwean Kangaroo) offered to help out but just dropped her from 6ft 6” up, but somehow she made it there anyway. That’s commitment (take note those more reclusive hockey members!) So with the grand total of four hockey girls actually making it to Slimeabout, it was slim pickings for the Hockey boys who seem to be multiplying as we speak…it didn’t help that Club Sandwich had resorted to Atkins inspired dance moves, keeping to just one piece of bread this week ;) So we finally did it, we lost, at least we now feel at home within the LSE AU. Business as usual will be resumed next week, with the added bonus of gigolo tamer turning 21, what can we say it will be amusing! by Munchkin and Totty

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