There once was a lassie…

NOTE: ( ) = first time round, [ ] = every time after the first
(I know a) [Shagging the] lassie with (a) [the] big hairy assy, singing la la lala la la la la la la lala la la...

(There was a) [Sight of the] jockey with the upstanding cocky, who was..

Wee willie wanky, who was wanking in his hanky at the..

(there was) [Ear of] Tracy, who was sitting on the facey of..

(and there was) [Tossing off] Roger, who was sticking his todger in the..

(the) Heavenly maiden, who was heavenly laden, [who] was..

(the) Monk with the erection, performing clitoral inspection on the..

(the)Teacher with the rule, who was measuring the tool of the..

(the) Bishop with the mitre^, who was taking it up the shiter from the..

(the) Nun with the habit, who was going like a rabbit on the..

Dirty little Petey was shoving his meaty in the..

AND REMEMBER AT THE END, AFTER THE
LASSIE WITH A BIG HAIRY ASSY, SHE WAS CHAINED TO THE TABLE IN THE DINING ROOM!!

The Tampax Factory

CHORUS

Far far away in the tampax factory
Call out you orders loud an clear.. LOUD AND CLEAR
We’ve got large, medium, small - REGULAR we’ve got ‘em all!
When the end of the month comes around

VERSES

You can tell by the smell that she isn't very well
When the end of the month comes around
You can tell by the smell that she isn't very well
When the end of the month comes around
Far far away...

CHORUS

FLIES that are SWARMING ROUND HER THIGHS
STRESS that her minge is ONE BIG MESS
SHEETS you will NOT GET ANY THIS WEEK
HUM you'll be going UP THE BUM
RED she's only good for GIVING HEAD
COLOUR that she shares them WITH HER MOTHER
BLOOD, that you'll HAVE TO STOP A FLOOD
STENCH that she's got a SEPTIC TRENCH
BLISTER, that you'll have to F*CK HER SISTER
FROWN, that you'll have to GO FOR BROWN
WALK, that you'll have to SIT AND TALK
HUM that she'll take it up the BUM
TASTE that it isn't SALMON PASTE
STRING that she'll take it up the RING
FLOOD that her piss is mixed with BLOOD
LOOK that you ain't gonna get a F*CK
MOANING that she's LOSING HAEMOGLOBIN
SMILES that you're gonna give her PILES
COLOUR that she shares ‘em with her MOTHER
RAG, that she's FLYING THE JAPANESE FLAG
BLISTER, that you'll have to F*CK HER SISTER
FROWN, that you'll have to GO FOR BROWN
WALK, that you'll have to SIT AND TALK
TASTE, that her PUSSY'S FULL OF WASTE
ROPE, that you HAVEN'T GOT A HOPE
EYES, that there's BLOOD BETWEEN HER THIGHS
MUCK, that you'll NOT HAVE ANY LUCK

Chicago's

CHORUS
I used to work in Chicago's, the old departmentstore.
I used to work in Chicago's, I don't work there anymore

VERSES
LEADER: A lady came into the store one day asking for: A kitkat.
THE REST: A kitkat from the store?
LEADER: A kitkat she wanted, four fingers she got
THE REST: And I don't work anymore

CHORUS
A ring she wanted, enlargement she got
Assistance she wanted, my AIDS she got
A Gold bracelet she wanted, a pearl necklace she got
A Goalkeeper she wanted, Seaman she got
Self Adhesive Envelopes she wanted, Sticky Flaps she got
Chicken in champagne sauce she wanted, cock in cider she got
A ruler she wanted, 12 inches she got
Oriental Optical Device she wanted, A Japs-Eye she got
Nail she wanted, a good screw she got
A Hammer she wanted, banged she got
German mining equipment she wanted, mein shaft she got
Black and Decker Workmate she wanted, A Bosch she got
Dual Hob she wanted, A Split Ring she got
Carpet she wanted, shag she got
Fishing rod she wanted, my pole she got
Meat she wanted, sausage she got
Pork she wanted, my roastbeef she got
Camel she wanted, humped she got
Paper she wanted, a ream she got
Skeleton she wanted, boning she got
Snap-on she wanted, my strap-on she got
A piano she wanted, my organ she got
Lobster she wanted, crabs she got
A Hairdryer she wanted, a blow job she got
A Needle she wanted, pricked she got
Coffee she wanted, my cream she got
Reebok Bag she wanted, Head she got
Pirate ship she wanted, A jolly rodgering she got
Barbecue she wanted, A spit-roast she got
Retarded donkey she wanted, A fucked ass she got
Roast Dinner she wanted, Meat & Two Veg she got
Back door she wanted, A rear entry she got
Silver bath she wanted, A golden shower she got
Doughnut she wanted, cream filled she got
Grapes she wanted, Plums she got
Whipped ferret she wanted, A licked beaver she got

Yogi Bear

I know a bear that you all know
Yogi, YOGI
I know a bear that you all know
Yogi, Yogi Bear

CHORUS:

HE'S YOGI, YOGI BEAR
YOGI, YOGI BEAR
I KNOW A BEAR THAT YOU ALL KNOW
YOGI, YOGI BEAR

VERSES:

Yogi's got a little "friend"
Booboo, BOOBOO
Yogi's got a little "friend"
Booboo, Booboo Bear

HE'S BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR
YOGI'S GOT A LITTLE "FRIEND"
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR

VERSES:

Yogi's got a "girlfriend"
Dani, Dani
Yogi's got a "girlfriend"
Dani, Dani Bear

Yogi's got an enemy
Ranger, RANGER
Yogi's got an enemy
Ranger, Ranger Smith

Yogi's got a cheesy knob
cammum, CAMMUM
Yogi's got a cheesy knob
Cammum, Camembert

Yogi hates it up the arse
brown BROWN
Yogi hates it up the arse
BROWN BROWN BEAR

Yogi likes it on the fridge
polar, POLAR
Yogi likes it on the fridge
Polar, polar bear

Yogi takes it up the ass
something, SOMETHING
Yogi takes it up the ass
Something he can't bear

Yogi's dick is long and green
cucum, CUCUM
Yogi's dick is long and green
Cucum, cucumber

Yogi likes to shave his pubes
grizzly, GRIZZLY
Yogi likes to shave his pubes
Grizzly, grizzly bare

Yogi's girlfriend has no teeth
gummy, GUMMY
Yogi's girlfriend has no teeth
Gummy, gummy bear

Ou est le papier?

A Frenchman went to the lavatory
To have a jolly good shit
He took his coat and trousers off
So that he could revel in it
But when he went for the paper
He found that someone had been there before

Ou est le papier, ou est le papier
Monsieur, monsieur, j'ai fait un 'manure'
Ou est le papier!

We are the arseholes...

Chorus:
We are the arseholes of society
The biggest cunts you’ll ever see
And we revel in the name of The LSE Hockey Team

Verses:
Now we don’t climb no mountains
And we don’t swim no seas
We have no sexy girlfriends
We live off our wet dreams

On the shores of North Antartica
Where the yanks have never been
Lies a shagged out carcass of a polar bear
Shagged to death by the hockey team